I was a bit nervous, heart beat steadily rising, palms beginning to perspire, my mind racing. I took a few deep breaths allowing my breathing to fall back into a normal rythym and selected my victim. Until a few minutes prior, I had never seen anything or anyone larger than a cockroach killed and now I was about to do the killing. I chose a rather meaty one that seemed willing to play the part of innocent victim, cradled her in my arms and told her that everything would e alright, knowing of course, that she only had a few more minutes left on planet earth. As I crossed her wings, then pulled the skin back behind her neck, she went into a trancelike state, very peaceful, almost understanding fate. Ever so delicately, I raised the sharpened knife in my hand, put it to her neck, and precisely sliced the juglar vein, moving back and forth, until it was certain that death had come.
And just like that I had taken my first life. I assumed that I would feel some regret, some sadness, some sort of emotion that would accompany a kill, a taking of life, but nothing of that sort came to be. I felt basically nothing, except for a slight thrill and satisfaction that always accompanies me when I do something for the first time. It was unsettling to say the least. Who was I? A cold blooded killer, an assassin. Did I even have a heart? I checked it, and yes it was still beating in a very steady, normal manner. I thought about immediately quitting Peace Corps, flying back to Washington DC, going to CIA Headquarters, and signing up to become a secret assassin. But then, I remembered that I was really hungry and really wanted to eat my first kill, so I took the lifeless body to the kitchen for cleaning and preparation. About ninety minutes later, my hunger was satisfied with the meat and carnage of the day’s earlier slaughter.
Man, it was some of the best barbequed chicken that I had ever eaten. And it was kosher.
So outside of killing chickens, I actually have done a few other things in the past month since I returned from my quick, exhilarating trip to Miami that are worth noting. Here is a sample:
I moved to a new house. If you saw my last entry, you would already know this but lets just say that after a month or so of living without a home, and six months of living without a permanent place, it feels great to put that part of my mind at ease. Granted, I still now have to think about all the improvements I want to make to this place, but that is way more fun than looking for a place to live. If you would like a piece of furniture, toilet, or wall named after you, I am actively looking for sponsors. Just drop me a note.
School started. On February 3, classes began with hundreds of thousand of young, impressionable Nicaraguenses returning for another year of growth and learning. They had on their first day outfits of government approved uniforms and new backpacks and notebooks in tow. In true Nicaraguan fashion, however, the first week of school is really not a time for learning and just for organization. Think of it as drop/add week in university but with even less teaching going on….really it is the time when the schools are trying to put together the schedule, see how many students actually show up that signed up, and figure out if they have enough desks for everyone. Week two is when the actual teaching is supposed to start but that didn’t really happen either. As it stands now, we are in week 4 of the school year, we have had only two weeks of actual teaching/learning and all 4 of my schools have changed their schedules in the past week (for most of them, it was the 2nd or 3rd time changing the schedule). If you can imagine how frustrating this is for me….I have to had to run between all 4 of my schools constantly trying to make sure that they give me the schedule I need and that there were no conflicts (which there still are)….then stop for a second and imagine how frustrating it must be for the students and Nicaraguan teachers. It is honestly amazing that people don’t lose it more often….I guess they are just more used to it than me.
Anyway, I am now teaching at 3 of my 4 schools, with the fourth one still in question due to scheduling/counterpart conflicts, and enjoying it tremendously. There are anywhere between 40-55 students in all of the eight different sections and even with this ridiculous number, I find myself enjoying the teaching part of the job more than anything else.
NGO troubles. So things have not been going very well in my work with Opportunity International, the NGO to which I was assigned to work. So I went in to talk with my PC boss, Georgia, and we have been spending the last 2-3 weeks trying to resolve the situation and come up with a work plan that I enjoy and benefits the NGO and the small business project. It is has been a very interesting couple of weeks filled with frustrations, doubts about my own abilities, and adventures into the world of bureaucracy. In the end, I am being forced to organize myself like I have never done before and most of my projects involved the organizing of other people and community groups. Do they not realize that my organizational skills/abilities are lacking?!?! Well, as the old saying goes, if you really want to improve a weakness, you just have to be forced to work on it. So I am now doing that and will be working two micro entrepreneurs, Don Oscar and Dona Marta (bamboo furniture business) and Don Noe (a fisherman who wants to venture into the tourist market), and the board of directors for two separate community libraries (helping to organize them and their efforts). Although I am not overly excited about this work, I am going to use all my efforts/abilities during the next few months and see where it leads me.
Half marathon training. There is a 22k, half marathon, taking place on March 15 in the northern city of Jinotega, which still gives me 17 days to train! This is a very short entry as there hasn’t been much training going on lately but I did run almost 5 miles the other day at a pretty good pace. So maybe I have the 8k down, only 14ks to go. I am planning on doing a long run (like 15 k) a week from now just to see how it feels. My goal in all of this is just to complete the 22k without hurting myself. There is no possible way that I will actually be able to jog the entire course.
New friends. I have been hanging out with some people from Managua the past few weekends, one of which I met through couchsurfing. This has definitely been a different experience, as most of them can speak English either really well or decently, and come from a more privileged class. It is interesting to see and learn about the other side of Nicaragua from time to time, one in which people have received a good education and have enough opportunity to pursue their dreams and better the country. The majority of Nicaragua gets wrapped up in the difficulties of everyday life and are not afforded the opportunity to pursue more ambitious endeavors. It can be a vicious cycle. Anyway, I have been to a few new bars in Managua and gone out a few times in Granada.
Poetry Festival. The fifth annual International Festival of Poetry was held in Granada between February 16-21 and in my opinion it was a really cool event. Hundreds of poets came from around the world (Kenya, Russia, Afghanistan, Italy to name a few places) in order to celebrate the art of poetry during this week long festival. Every single day and night there were various poetry readings and roundtable discussions held all around the city followed by a nightly concert. I went to one poetry reading session and had a difficult time understanding the poems, even the ones in English. I did manage to make it to 3 of the concerts, one being an awesome reggae band, and really enjoyed the festival. There were also various other parades and expositions but poetry definitely was the centerpiece of the event. Viva la poesía!
Celebrating the seven month anniversary in Granada. This Friday will mark seven full months in site and it has been an interesting ride. I feel like in seven months I would have more of a sense of accomplishment but I don’t at all. The last few weeks have been especially challenging to my person in ways that I hadn’t been challenged before and I have been forced to question a few of my priorities and re-strategize my work efforts. At some point during those weeks I definitely reached a new low (9 months into Peace Corps!) and am now climbing back up looking to reach a new high.
